Just Send the Fucking Email

How to Become Unblockable

There’s a subtle skill that all the most effective people I know have, but that remains elusive to talk about and teach.

The skill is: Unblocking yourself.

You probably know someone like this. From the outside, it seems like doors that were supposed to be closed just open when they try to reach for them. They make 10x or 50x the progress of the average person trying to do things.

Agency often looks like magic. There’s books on how to do this kind of magic.

But it’s usually not magic, it’s skill. And an important skill that “high-agency” people have is that they refused to be blocked, and they know how to get unblocked.

There are many reasons you might get blocked. These aren’t mere “excuses” or at least they don’t start that way. Self-blocks are systematic, repetitive feeling <> thought loops that convince you, even when the thing you’re blocked on really matters, non-action is the best thing to do.

But when you’re trying to just do things, as the meme goes, non-action is not helpful.

Part of the reason being unblockable is so rare is that it’s an emotional skill, and practicing it sucks.

So, here’s a few common ways people allow themselves to get blocked, the emotional texture of each, and why they’re all actually the same thing.

Block: Need More Information to Move Forward

You are blocked because you’re missing some critical information. How does a partnership like this actually work? What is the best way to write this email? What is our strategy, beyond this task?

The feeling behind this block is something like: fear of doing the wrong thing, wasting time, looking dumb, causing harm.

If you had more information, you would be more likely to avoid these things. Even when this is true, it’s often a form of self-distraction. You can always acquire more information. You can always make the bad outcome less likely.

But your only job, right now, is to send the fucking email.

If you’re stuck asking: “How do I get the information I need to move forward?”
You might ask instead: “How can I move forward with exactly what I have?”

A smart first-time founder I know was supposed to be sending emails to potential partners. He stood to make money from these emails, so they were important. Each email was a pitch to a scary impressive person he’d met once at a conference. After a week, and then another week, of researching, I asked him to open up his email and we sent “Hey John, Up for coffee next week to talk partnership details?” to one of these scary people.

A couple coffees later, John signed a partnership deal.

Block: Need Someone Else to Do Something First

You are blocked because someone else said they would do something but they are not doing it.

You are waiting for approval, you are told there was an internal delay, you are told there’s a process happening somewhere.

It’s out of your hands, so you sit on them. Usually this involves impotently asking for updates while you get repeatedly ghosted.

The feeling behind this block is something like: powerlessness, frustration that someone else isn’t doing their job, feeling unfairly treated.

If you’re stuck asking: “How can I convince this person to do what I’ve asked?”
You might ask instead: “How do I make this step irrelevant, or more painful to avoid?

My former second-in-command used to tell people avoiding reviewing and approving her work “I am going to send this tomorrow at 8am, review it by then or it’s going out without your input.”

She was never blocked for long. She sent the fucking emails.

Block: Identity Mismatch

You are blocked because the thing you’re required to do to move forward doesn’t “feel like you”. You have to kiss up to someone, you have to send a marketing email that doesn’t sound like your voice, you have to convince people using social pressure or flashy magic tricks instead of logic.

You want to be you, and if it doesn’t feel like you, it feels wrong and bad.

The feeling behind this block is something like: aggrieved at your situation, stubborn refusal, to move forward you would be abandoning a part of you that must be protected.

If you’re stuck asking: “How can I do this my way?”
You might ask instead: “How can I become a version of me that’s aligned with my goals?”

A gifted filmmaker watching her bank account run dry, who asked for my advice, told me that she’d never do youtube / patreon because the filmmakers she admired made artful short films with real meaning. I asked if she’d ever tried to find a youtuber she admired, mentioning several successful creators making moving short films on youtube I followed.

Turns out, she hadn’t heard of any of them. She’d never ever tried to find someone whose work she liked on youtube.

Observations on Self-Blocking and Unblocking

Most of the ways we block ourselves are about how we relate to ourselves. But they feel like how we relate to the world.

This distinction is very important to understand. If you’re currently blocking yourself, you might immediately feel the urge to argue with me that I’m wrong.

Please believe me, I know the itchy sense of “my situation just isn’t that simple.”

Still, the world is full of pathways towards your goals. If you’re blocked, investigate the stories you’re telling about the world, and the questions you’re asking yourself, and feelings underneath both.

The questions we ask ourselves, instinctively, are often designed to reinforce our most difficult feelings. This restricts our imaginations, and leads us to become blocked.

Unblocking yourself usually involves asking different questions to open up option spaces you previously couldn’t imagine because you were busy feeling afraid, helpless, or aggrieved.

Now, go send the fucking email.